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Although there is no real statistical evidence, experience from support groups and "community watchers" indicates that as much as fifty percent of the kinky dating attempts fail, either as early as during the initial dating proces or in the early stages of what was supposed to grow to a rewarding relationship for all parties involved.

There seems to be no real prime cause for this rather dramatic figure, but research by the POWERotics Foundation as well as several European print magazine publishers indicates that there are quite a lot of things, people can do to boost their success: predominantly by trying to steer clear of various obvious and not so obvious traps.

Three key factors

So why do people have so much trouble finding a partner?

1. Well, one of the key factors is that it just isnt easy.

You just cannot go to a bar, discotheque or party, address someone and say something like "hey, Im into bondage, are you willing to share that with me?"

First of all, doing that will probably quickly lead to a very embarrassing situation.

Secondly, depending on where you are, it may get you in legal or social trouble. For example: recent research shows that just about 25 percent of the average relationship develops in a working environment. In other words: colleques dating colleques. That as such often creates tension on the workplace. Introducing power exchange in that environment is probably next to impossible.

2. And another thing is "a little thing called love". Hormones already shift into overdrive when you meet someone you fancy. The pretty hefty overdose of adrenaline and endorphines that occurs, when you start to think about sharing your darkest, most secret fantasies with someone else is very likely to shortcut your entire brain. Endresult: you end up doing everything wrong, or in the wrong order. Nobody can blame you for doing that. You just cannot control your hormones. Nobody can. But ..... it still IS counterproductive.

3. Finally, the kinky dating process itself - due to the secrecy around it - is usually totally different from other dating processes. It is much more concentrated within "the community" itself and done through personal ads, internet dating, telephone dating and visiting munches, clubs, roups and parties, hoping that people will find like-minded counterparts there.

Traditonally, people tend to look for a kink-friendly environment first and next concentrate their dating on that specific environment. This as such is no surprise, because at first glance anyway this sounds like the logical thing to do. Surprisingly though, the vast majority of succesful kinky relationships started off in a non-kinky situation, usually simply as a result of the fact that partners where open and brave enough to share their emotions with each other, despite the fact they had not indicated such emotions before.

So, is there a solution? Yes there is, but that may not always be easy. The best strategy is to try and plan the kinky dating process. But than again: love, lust, desire and planning simply do not always fit into the same box at the same time. Meaning that the best thing you can do is to try and come up with something that is a combination of (at least some) planning, pure instinct and MAINLY avoiding traps.

No pain, no gain

Lets face it. Dating is a matter of risktaking. Yes, you may be turned down. Yes, you may be dumped. Yes you may fail. If you are not willing to take that risk, well ... get out a deck of cards and the book on 1001 ways to play solitaire. You will have to be ready and prepare yourself for a few bruises. Hardly anyone survives the dating process without some. And theyre not a problem. They are a learning experience.

However, you can prevent quite a lot of these bruises. Mainly by being realistic about who you are and what you want. As far as we know Pamela Anderson is NOT submissive and even if she is, she cannot submit to the entire world. Neither are you gods gift to the world. Yes, your fantasies probably are very special to you and submitting may feel like you are actually "giving" something very special.

The dating process

The dating process itself can be divided into 5 phases:

1. the initial need to share your emotions, feelings and probably your life with someone

2. translating that into an "actual person" or an "actual situation". "Actual" in the sense that you start to project yourself in the arms of someone you fancy (a real person or a more abstract image) or that you picture yourself in the situation you desire

3. setting out to find a partner (the actual dating)

4. actual meeting

5. building further from the initial bridgehead onwards

The key success factor is understanding the process you are in, versus what you want to achieve.

Hans Meijer, a Dutch former journalist and government spokesmen, is the chairman for the Powerotics Foundation. This organisation is dedicated to provide quality information about alternative lifestyles. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Hans_Meijer